Here are the links to part one, part two, and part three. If you have not read them, they provide a critical context for these posts that follow in the series. Part One is an introduction to this series and gives some important definitions for LGBTQI. Part Two explores in a more in depth way what I believe the Bible says regarding same sex attraction. Part Three takes on some of the "word challenges" that defenders of same sex attraction use to provide a Biblical defense for their beliefs.
I find it fitting that today is the day I write part four considering the presentation I saw during lunch. I attended a meeting of local pastors for this year's National Day of Prayer initiative (Thursday evening May 7 at the Hampton Convention Center). An organization was there to give a presentation about sex trafficking, The Virginia Beach Justice Initiative. If you want to make a difference in our region in the fight against sex trafficking...you need to contact them! There was also a detective there from the Newport New police department, Detective Russ Tinsley, who is devoting his life and career to this fight...they need our help! I share that because too many of the moral crises our children are facing are because of parents neglecting their children. I'm not talking about material neglect. I'm talking about spiritual neglect.
One of the most sacred duties we have as parents is to give our children a moral warehouse, filled with values that help them navigate the complex, dangerous, and even evil that is waiting for them in this world. If ever there were a verse that speaks to the focus we should have as parents, it is Paul's sentiment toward Timothy as a spiritual father found in 1 Timothy 4:15:16. If we as Christian parents were to "give our complete attention to these matters...throwing ourselves into our tasks..." we could give our children great hope and courage as they face the temptations of a fallen, godless society! When I read passages like Deuteronomy 6:4-7 and again in Deuteronomy 11:18-20 I must ask myself, "Have I given myself completely to the sacred privilege of parenting...have I thrown myself into this task?" If any part of your past is like mine, I have plenty of experience giving myself completely to destructive behaviors and throwing myself into the tasks of hedonism...it's time to give that same attention to Godliness...especially the work of raising our children!
This biggest mistake I see in parents today is passivity. There is nothing passive about our society. The secular, godless society in which we live is inundating our children with values that could not be farther from Scripture. Vannessa and I are raising our children with great intentionality. When the world's values are brought to them, there will not be empty shelves in the souls of our kids longing to be filled. There will be Godly values already there to give them a standard by which to measure everything else that attempts to gain entry into their hearts! And one of the greatest failures of parents when it comes to the moral warehouse of their children, one the greatest examples of passivity of parents is teaching their children about sexuality.
This is important. There is a crucial difference between the biology of sex and sexual understanding. Just because your children might be able to pass an age appropriate test on anatomy and biology does not mean you have successfully parented your children in regards to sexuality. Vannessa and I have used a series of books that you can find online or at a local Christina bookstore like LifeWay. If you click on the link I just provided you can navigate that site and find all the books in the series for both boys and girls. Listen to me. Your child has been given a certain gender's anatomy by God. But you as a parent still have work to do to lead your child in identifying emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually with the gender associated with that anatomy! Their body is going to develop naturally. For typical children, their bodies do not need any help to function in the way God created it to function sexually. However, God expects you as a parent to lead your child in properly identifying with that gender.
There is a terrible lie that is being told to parents today, a lie that is even being repeated by medical professionals, professionals in the fields of psychology and counseling, even in academia...that a child should be allowed to decide for themselves a sexual orientation and gender identity. This lie presupposes that sexual orientation and gender identity is ultimately an outward expression of an inward, natural selection. Proponents of this view are trying to associate gender identity and sexual orientation with ethnicity. We will not concede that ground in this fight. When my child is born with a certain anatomy, there is a sovereign God who has made that decision. Let's talk about presuppose. That anatomy given to them by God presupposes a gender and presupposes a sexual orientation!
When my first two children who were born males, I understood that I now had the responsibility as a father to lead them in life to identify with their male gender and lead them in life to have a healthy, Biblical sexual orientation that is instructed by that gender. The same is true with my last child, who was born female, although Vannessa is the primary champion of that leadership in her life. As that series of books will help empower you to do...at the earliest possible ages, we began a conversation with our children that never stops. This conversation is intentionally leading them, teaching them, instructing them, empowering them, and helping them. We are working to lead them in understanding the sexual functioning of their physical anatomy, how their brain is wired for pleasure in connection with sexual experiences, how God has uniquely designed each gender, and that He has a specific plan for how each gender is to relate to the rest of the world in every way, especially sexually.
The three most important books I have ever read that have helped me prepare as a father to raise my two sons are Raising A Modern Day Knight and Sex, Men, and God and Wild at Heart. I'm sure there are some great resources out there too for young ladies but because I have unique responsibilities to my boys, I am sharing those if you have sons. If you just try to wing it, you will fail your children. You are not going to like me for this next reference but I believe it with all my heart. If you have children in your home that are waiting for you to lead them, read Mark 9:42. God knows your neck size...may the outcome of that knowledge be to crowning of your neck with accolades from on high because you became the champion of parenting your children well!
A quick word of caution. As you begin this work of leading your child in both gender identity and sexual orientation, make sure you are not teaching your children the same broken, biased, falsehoods that you have gathered in life that have little or no basis in Scripture. Read these books I recommended, reach out to other Godly men and women who themselves have raised their children well. Look for families where there is visible fruit of Godly excellence! For example, just because your son is naturally tender, intensely creative, and especially sensitive...doesn't make him any less masculine! Make sure your understanding of masculinity and femininity are soundly grounded...if you have doubts, get help! There are also amazing Christian counseling services in your area. They exist for more than just people in crisis. They are a great resource for families who simply want to go from healthy to healthier! For Hampton Roads, we have Genesis Counseling and Christian Psychotherapy. I recommend them both! You should also find a church home that has thriving children and youth ministries where your children have the opportunity to be immersed in communities of people who are seeking a Biblical understanding of both gender and sexuality. Of course if you are looking for a church like that...I know where you can find one... City Life!
There are many forms of neglect. And passivity in parenting when it comes to gender identity and sexual orientation is one of the most common forms of neglect I have seen in families during my 15 years of pastoral ministry. Don't be that family!
Pastor Fred
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